Today is your graduation day. I’m sorry I can’t attend it when I promised you back then that I will make it anyhow. I miscalculate, it turns out you graduated earlier than I thought, which is a good thing.
I’m so happy that you can finish your study well. That you can have your M.D. (Medical Degree) when you are still 20 years old. 20 years old! Although there are some people who can finish even residency before their 20th birthday, I’m still so proud of you, little sister. As I always do.
I remember back then, it was easy to babysit you. You were always smile and happy. Even when you got hurt or left behind or didn’t get any candy while me and your older sister did, you were just looking at us with your big eyes and giggled. You couldn’t sit still, always running around or clapping your hands, tease your sister who cried easily. You almost never cried, which was why I like to play with you.
When you grew older, when I grew older, things were getting different. With our age differences, with me entering my teenage time, you became an annoying sister. You asked this and that, while I just wanted to be left alone. We did fight a lot. One day, when you were in 3rd grade, we fought about watching different movie. I let you have yours because I was told to do so. You rarely cried, especially after you got to elementary school, but that day, I made you cry so loud and long, it took probably about 2 hours until you stopped crying and felt asleep. After you woke up, everything went back to normal. You lost your voice though, and I acted like I didn’t care when mom and dad asked why. I never said sorry, I am now, for I am guilty for that.
Then came the time when I had my own life in another place. I had it for almost 7 years, when it was decided that you moved in with me. You were so excited, and so was I. I forgot that I would have to give up a part of my freedom, because you moving in with me meant that I would have to watch over you. It wasn’t until we both were left alone that I realized that I wasn’t prepared for that. I left you alone for the first few days, I pushed you aside when you woke me up in the morning to take you to school, I scolded at you when you hesitated to take public transportation, I made you fell asleep at the chairs of my lab while I was doing my thesis in the middle of the night. I forgot that you must be feeling too scared, too lonely, too difficult to adapt with a sudden change. I forgot that I had the same feeling when I started to live on my own. I forgot that all you need might just be a little word of encouragement or just a company for a little while until you can stand on your own. Back then, I guess I forgot to be your sister.
For most of the time we lived together, just you and me, we rarely spent times together. We rarely talked about our day. We had our own lives. We had our own friends. But we did have many dinner-hunting together. Remember all those food, sop buntut unpad, nasi goreng balubur, ayam bakar tamansari, sate kulit, etc? It was fun, wasn’t it? Now that I think of it, maybe the fun was not all about the food. We did learn from each other. Maybe I learned to be more patient with you, maybe you learned to be more mature because of me, maybe we learned to be sister to each other.
And I do see it in you. As you grew even older, as we followed our own path of life, you become more mature. Although people said you are so childish and stubborn, I do see that you are growing up. The way you talk, the way you think, the way you explain things that I took for granted before. Maybe that’s why now I don’t feel like we have that much of age difference anymore. Maybe that’s why I started to see you also as a friend.
Little sister, you will have so many things waiting in front of you. I’m sure that you will handle them well. You’ll be fine as always. Just follow what your heart and brain tell you. You may have to listen carefully to what other people suggest you, and see the good and bad options there are. But in the end, the decision is yours. As your big sister, I will always be there to watch over you, and as your friend, I will always be there to support you.
Again, congratulation little sister. Hopefully this would be a good graduation (and birthday*) present for you.
*Your birthday was 2 months ago, but a late b’day present is better then none at all, yes dear?