“That mixed feeling, is here again”, said she.
For the last week, she’s been wondering around the path where she had wondered before. She keeps coming back to the same circle, same spot, same doubt.
She wonders if she ever come to terms with one thing. That one must fail in order to succeed. She wonders if it ever subsides. Because this time it feels different. There’s so much burden in it. It’s just so heavy. It’s suffocating. Literally suffocating.
She is a person who always know what to do. At least what to expect. Though she may seem ignorant, she’s always been very perceptive. This time, she couldn’t read what’s there. She couldn’t see, she couldn’t hear, she couldn’t smell. She couldn’t feel. Anything. Inside out. And that’s frightening.
When the lights finally come, she thought, I think I will be a different person. But then she said, “I wonder if there ever be a light.”
I believe there’s always a light at the end of the day. But somehow this time, as confident I am as a person can be, I agree with her. I am not sure either.